Sunday, August 5, 2007

Intimidation


I always feel intimidated in certain situations, no matter what the case may be. Let's see if you resonate with some of these situations:

1) Whenever I'm around other colleagues (Math teachers) and we're talking about what we're "supposed" to know, like California Math Standards.

2) Whenever someone asks me to quote Scripture, give a Scripture reference, or recite a certain "well-known" passage.

3) Whenever I'm playing on a sports team (most likely basketball) with other players of exceptional talent and reputation.

4) Whenever I walk into any place with herds of Cantonese-speaking Chinese people (i.e. restaurants) and I need to use my Chinese tongue.

5) Whenever I am followed by a police car for more than a block as I drive on city streets (not so much on the freeway because I hardly ever speed).

I'm not so sure if you can see the pattern here or not, but I'm beginning to realize that my intimidation mostly comes from within. In these five situations, I feel intimidated because these are all things I hold myself to know how to do (well)-- or at least things I "should" be able to do.
Afterall,
What kind of professional doesn't know his "stuff"?
What kind of Christian doesn't know his Bible?
What kind of baller doesn't know how to play/win?
What kind of Chinese person doesn't know his Chinese?
What kind of licensed driver doesn't know how to drive?

Intimidation is so brutal. I'm doing it to myself and really I just need to show myself some more grace. I hate it when I shame myself into feeling
like I need to be a better (fill in the blank) because I lack the ability to be content in knowing what I can/not do. Sometimes I wonder how much internal intimidation those people who seem like they have it altogether really deal with.

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